Requiem for an Identity

Okay, now that I've finished updating you on all of the fun holiday festivities we've been involved with, I guess it's time to update you all on how we're actually doing. The past few months have been crazy ones for us, not just because we've been super busy, like the rest of the world, but it seems like it has really been a time of transition and redefining for us, or at least for me.

You know how you begin to define yourself by what you do? "I am a Mom," or "I am a teacher" or "I am a nuclear physicist", etc. Okay, so I've never defined myself as the latter, but over the course of the last 5 months, I was defined as the "ELD Teacher at Ranch Elementary". I was also my ward's Primary President for the past 2+ years, a weighty calling that certainly kept me busy and on my toes. Well, at the end November, I was finally released from my Primary calling (something I had known was coming since July, so it wasn't a surprise), and then in December, I found out they had found an ELD-endorsed teacher to teach my ELD class and that she would be starting right after the Winter Break. While neither change came as a huge shock, I have to admit, I went through a type of mourning period for my identity. I felt like I had lost a sense of who I was. Of course, I also greatly missed both my calling and my class, but it was more than just that. I no longer got up and got ready to see my students everyday. I no longer felt a sense of urgency on Sunday as I made sure all 17 of my primary classes were running smoothly. I was no longer "needed" in either of these positions. I had been replaced, and I didn't really know who I was. Well, I'm still working on trying to figure it out, but as time has passed, I have moved on to some other ventures, and I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that a few more doors will open up.

In the meantime, I'm back to regular daily subbing, which I have to admit, I have thoroughly enjoyed. Not only have I had a lot of fun with the work, but it has also allowed me to have a little more time with my family and friends, "Mom" and "friend" being a few of my identities that had been feeling a little neglected with my busy-ness over the last several months. Unfortunately, the loss in pay as a regular sub is substantial and I'm still looking for full-time employment, another identity on hold since most places are letting employees go, not hiring new ones. We had planned for me to start my Masters program this spring, but between finances and the intense time away from my family this move would require, even that pursuit is on hold, at least temporarily. This has been more than a little stressful and challenging, but both Jon and I feel the Lord is watching out for us and the right opportunity will come at the right time.

As for church, while I do still miss being in Primary and the intense ward involvement my calling as president afforded me, my hints and out-right begging paid off, and I managed to get called to my favorite calling--Relief Society 4th Sunday Teacher. I always said, when I was released from Primary President, I wanted to pick my next calling, and, well, I guess I kinda did. (Hmmm...squeaky wheel?)

As for Jon, he has his own identity issues. He did add "Masters Degree" to his personal definition in December, an accomplishment we're both proud of, but as this degree is also opening new doors and opportunities, it is also providing new stresses as Jon has many decisions to make regarding which path to follow--stay as a HS teacher, move to elementary, go into counseling, pursue administration, etc. It's a lot to take in, and since finances are always an issue, every decision is a pull between desire for a position and duty to provide. Sometimes having too many choices can be an even harder place to be in than not enough choices!

So, as we enter the new year, the Coombs family does so with a lot of anticipation (and a little apprehension) for the upcoming opportunities and changes that may come. But while our identities may be in flux, I want to assure you that our foundation has not and will never change--I thank my Heavenly Father daily for the daily constant of who I truly am. I am and will forever be wife to my loving husband, mother to Aaron and Sarah, stalwart and faithful Latter-day Saint, and friend to you all. Stay tuned, however--I'm sure the rest of my identity roller-coaster should be a fun ride!